Let Them Eat Cake!

I know Marie Antoinette is attributed to saying this quote but, I believe that was discounted because she was known for her sensitivity to the poor population of France. ( http://www.history.com/news/ask-history/did-marie-antoinette-really-say-let-them-eat-cake )

August was one of the best months I have experienced in a long time. It was so much fun to see all my kids so often. Courtney came home from Guatemala and that was fun because my kids all came home to visit here before she went back for her last few months teaching for UPAVIM. She writes about her experiences in Guatemala in her blog Concientizacion y Otros Pensamientos
( http://courtneyguatemala.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-sacred-moments.html )

We celebrated birthdays this month as well. I should have let everyone else eat cake but, alas, I did not. I ate cake this weekend and more than that... I have been struggling with my food intake for a few weeks. I don't want to clog up the story with excuses, because it doesn't take much to derail my good intentions and excuses are just that and nothing more.

I chose to eat more of the items that I know to be detrimental to my weight loss. Although, this blog is more about choosing to eat serving sizes, not necessarily about losing weight. The weight loss is a side benefit of limiting my caloric intake. Because I weigh so much, limiting my consumption of calories to 2000 is going to effect my weight.

August is the middle third of this experiment. I would say that this month was the most challenging. We had more food related celebrations than usual and it was difficult to limit and track what my serving sizes were.

Over this month, I have gained about 5 pounds. Some of that was gained and lost several times over as I struggled to control my food intake during all the different celebrations. There was so much deliciousness around that I couldn't resist.  The celebrations were wonderful and I wouldn't want to diminish their import based on my food choices. This is just worth mentioning because part of gaining control of what I eat is learning how to manage this when I have less control over what food is laid out before me... and learning to not make eating any certain thing more important than feeling in control, since I am responsible for what goes into my mouth.

So there is one month left on this Journey. Serving Size Summer officially ends September 21, 2014. That is the last day of Summer. The Autumn Equinox is on September 22.
( http://www.almanac.com/content/first-day-fall-autumnal-equinox )

Here is how I am going to spend this last month:

• 1) I am going to get back to drinking about 72 ounces of water a day. I enjoyed this because it made me less hungry and helped me keep my snack calories at a lower level.
• 2) Use my hobbies, writing, painting, scrapbooking, Christmas present making, as a way to avoid spending time looking in the fridge to see what I can eat. I usually do this when I am procrastinating to avoid some task that I don't want to complete. 
• 3) Try, try, try to workout at least 15 minutes a day. I would say I am going to workout 30 minutes a day but I will be realistic in knowing that because of my Fibromyalgia, exercise hurts and I do not like it. I can do 15 minutes a day, but on those days when I have flare-ups, even that is going to be a challenge.
• 4) I am participating in a LoseIt Challenge to not eat sweets for the entire month of September. No desserts, no candy, no sugary treats. This doesn't seem too difficult because sweets are not really my temptation. (Put chicken, potatoes or cheese in front of me and that is a totally different story.)

Although I am thinking ahead to a possible continuation of this blog into a new version called Serving Size Season, which will be an attempt to continue with the serving size theory of controlling food consumption, I haven't created that blog yet.

Its more of a long term plan but something to keep in mind if you would like to continue to follow this journey with me.

Today is a new day and like all good dieters know, Monday is a great day to start anew or renew the commitment to get back to the business of working towards better health.

Onward and upward or downward, depending on your perspective.

I am determined to get to the finish line with this last month being as good as the first month was. The middle was the challenge... now I carry on to the finish line.

Keep Calm and Serving Size On... oh, and no more cake, please!

Talk to the Hand

Forgive me, it has been a few weeks since my last post, but I have been very busy with projects and freelance and family - all my kids were home! Despite this flurry of activity, I have continued to keep track of everything I eat and I diligently take time to include pictures of my meals. Most of my friends and family have become accustomed to me taking pictures of my food before I eat it.

Shown in the photos above is a family favorite meal of the Fruit & Veggie Plate, usually consumed while watching a movie (it was ParaNorman this time.) On the left is the beautiful display my kids set up for us all to enjoy. On the right is my serving size portion. It is a delicious meal even in reasonable servings.

As a result of my persistence, I have thousands of images of food. It could appear a little obsessive to the untrained eye. I do not deny a certain compulsion that has almost replaced my desire to overeat... almost.

My desire or craving to eat has led to the unmanageable size of my stomach. The circumference of my stomach measures (after losing 29 pounds since November of 2013) 57 inches. I am only 64 inches tall. I am close to being a perfect circle... or maybe an imperfect circle.

I dress to hide my stomach, but it makes little difference, the amount of fabric I use to cover my girth. Being the photographer has kept me out of the pictures... another form of invisibility. I also fill my schedule with work and projects that need my attention, thus keeping me from having to hide in the middle of a gathering, party or event.

Day 1 - Serving Size Summer

However, everyone sees me as I am. They see my stomach too.

There have been occasions in which the person I am talking to, stares at my stomach. We are in a conversation and then all of a sudden the focus shifts and instead of looking me in the eye, they are looking at the part of me that creates such angst in me that I could sob uncontrollably at the inevitability of someone touching my stomach. It is all I can do not to put my hand over their focal point, but talking to the hand wouldn't make me more comfortable, it would only make my companion less... or maybe spark the idea that I was carrying a baby. (That vessel has sailed).

I wrote about this fear in my blog Art In The Life http://darcysartlife.blogspot.com/2012/09/helping-hands.html It is a long post, but it does go into depth about my fears of people finding out I am fat.

I am very self-conscious of my stomach. So when I think about how to love myself, I think in terms of "despite my stomach," as opposed to "I love my whole body, including my stomach."  I am working on changing this Stinkin' Thinkin.'

I was looking at children's illustrations on Pinterest
and I had to laugh when I saw this Jana Christy art.

Last year, I discovered a lump in my lower abdomen. I thought I had a tumor caused by carrying my cell phone in my sweatshirt pocket. It turned out to be a hernia that had been there a few years. It needed repair, so I had it repaired.

I was nervous... yes my weight, my stomach, my health. I was very worried. While being prepped for surgery, the nurses, anesthesiologist and my doctor were so positive and upbeat, telling jokes and making me laugh that I began to relax.

One nurse had the job of pushing my weight and the bed into the operating room. I mentioned that she had to do all the work. She said it was easy... motorized beds and all. I remember feeling relieved that she didn't have to push all the weight by herself.

After she brought me in and parked me next to the anesthesiologist, he informed me of what was going to happen. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was my lovely nurse looking directly into my eyes and saying "we will take good care of you."

Because of this experience, I don't hate my stomach and I rather love that little crescent-shaped scar by my bellybutton. It sits proudly above and to the left of my vertical c-section scar which allowed my son to come safely into the world. This c-section scar runs down and crosses over my horizontal hysterectomy scar that saved me from a uterus that had grown so full of fibroids that it was seven times its normal size. This scar points off towards my appendectomy scar that has decorated my abdomen since I was six.

I am learning to love all my parts. It is not always easy because I have not been very fair to myself. I have spent most of my adult life on a diet and when those diets failed, I replayed hateful thoughts in my head, punishing myself for failing.

I have finally stumbled upon something that works for me. Control. Remember, I said in an earlier post, "I am either in control or out. On a diet or gaining." There is no middle ground. Knowing this about myself is important for finding a food plan that will allow me to eat and feel satisfied, while having the added benefit of losing weight.

Measuring out my serving sizes has been good for me. I am almost halfway through this experiment and I am thinking ahead about how I can carry on and roll right on through Christmas... and the New Year and so on.

I am down 15 pounds since June 21, 2014. That's good for me!