Oh, Weight, There's More

Did I mention I have a weight problem? You might have picked up on that detail. I have been battling with weight issues since before high school.

Mom, my sister, Debra and myself being dramatic. 1974

Several events happened during my preteens to throw me off course for a lifetime: I began developing breasts, everyone seemed to find that hilarious and worthy of funny comments; my parents divorced; I was sexually abused; my sister left home and my brother was sent to a boys home. Everything I knew about the world had unraveled and I felt very alone.

By the time I started 9th grade, I was so insecure about my body, that I wore my coat zipped up to my neck for the entire year. I was 15. That is when I discovered the self-medicating properties of food.

If I ate two helpings instead of one, I didn't feel quite so lost. I felt full. Feeling full felt like safety and comfort. However, the more I ate, the more I would hear comments like, "I eat to live, I don't live to eat." To hide the fact that I was having seconds, I helped myself to bigger portions.

In 1976 when I turned 16 and was sent to live with my mom, I had reached 165 pounds and had developed the unfortunate condition of bad acne. That year, I walked to School every day, dodging Slurpees thrown from students driving to Chief Sealth High School. (Yes I was in choir and it was just like in the series Glee.) I skipped classes and sat alone in the bleachers and watched the kids smoke pot on the football field. My grandmother died that year and I missed her terribly. This was a very dark period for me.

Life didn't get easier. I attended four different high schools before graduating in 1978.

The summer before my senior year, I stayed with my uncle in Ellensburg and helped him on his property, spending time with friends from junior high and 9th grade, and managed to lose 25 pounds. From there I moved back with my dad and spent my senior year enjoying my new friends, going to parties, smoking and slowly gaining weight again.

After Graduation, (145 lbs.) I worked for my stepdad. (165 lbs.) Then I got a job at the nursing home where I met my husband. I knew he was a nonsmoker so I ate carrots instead of smoking cigarettes. (135 lbs.) I went from a pack a day habit to a nonsmoker overnight. I stopped biting my nails at the same time. It was true love. (140 lbs.)

Months leading up to our wedding, I worked at McDonalds, I was swimming a mile a day at the local health club and had joined my first weight loss program: Weight Loss Clinic. It cost me about $267 to eat 500 calories a day. When I say that to myself, I cannot believe I survived on so little. I remember at one point, I couldn't finish part of a meal because I was full. after six weeks, I lost 15 pounds. (125 lbs.)

Our Wedding Day. A very happy day. (130 lbs.)

On the honeymoon, because I was starving before we got married, I wasted my $267 by gaining it all back plus some in two weeks. (145 lbs.)

(155 lbs.) During my first pregnancy, I didn't gain enough weight, only 15 pounds. (170 lbs.) What was interesting about that is for the first time, I could eat what I wanted. I didn't feel anything was off limits. No pressure. No cravings. Easy pregnancy. Beautiful baby girl (8lbs 6oz). (150 lbs.)

(165 lbs.) While carrying my second child, I gained plenty and was tested for gestational diabetes. Tests were negative. Quick delivery. Another beautiful baby girl (9lbs 3oz). (190 lbs.)

(173 lbs.) Giving birth to our third child was as easy as the others and we were blessed with another beautiful baby girl (9lbs 10oz). (203 lbs.)

(190 lbs.) When I was pregnant for the last time, the doctor referred to me as obese. That was not me, even though I was heavier than I had ever been. This time, my baby was breach and I had a c-section. We had a beautiful baby boy (10lbs 11oz). (235 lbs.) Time to stop having children.

My weight just kept going up from there. I have been on so many weight loss programs it is hard to recall them all. Weight Loss Clinic, The Cabbage Soup Diet, The Scarsdale Diet, Weight Watchers, The American Heart Association Diet, The Atkins Plan, Slim Fast, The Hawaiian Diet, Bob Greene's Best Life Diet, The 31 Day Diabetes Cure.... I cannot remember them all.

One year, I decided to workout instead of diet. I gained 40 pounds that year.

In 2010 (274 lbs.) I signed up for NutriSystem. It worked very well for me. Over the course of six months I lost 60 pounds. (214 lbs.) and managed to keep it off for almost a year before the weight started zooming back up.

In December of 2013, I realized I had to figure out something because I was nearing 300 pounds. (280 lbs.) I thought at 300 pounds I would just give up, gaining more and more until Richard Simmons found me and saved my life.

Rare sighting: me, earlier this year. 2014

I joined millions of other Americans and made a new years resolution, joined NutriSystem again and began January with yet another diet plan. In the first month I lost 10 pounds and then I lost interest in eating my solitary packaged food. I didn't completely fail because I decided I would try to get a grip on my portions, eat what my family ate, and stay in control without feeling like I was missing out on certain foods.

This new plan also included eating snacks. I was very wary of eating many snacks all day but it actually worked for me. I wanted to eat, and snacking let me do it. So up until the beginning of summer, I was down 17 pounds. (263 lbs.)

Today I weighed in at 259. This means I have lost 21 pounds since January first, four pounds since the beginning of Summer, one week ago.

There is so much more to this story. I haven't even touched on Fibromyalsia and body image, but it is just way to long already. I do have to mention, my husband has been wonderful through all the different renditions of me. One thing has always been constant is his love and support. He loves every part of me, all the curves and all the edges... except maybe my kneecaps, which I think are ultra-cute but he has never thought the same.

I can live with that.